Mixed Emotions.

After five months off of work with my son, it is time to go back. While I am cutting down my schedule, I still feel this blanket of guilt for leaving him with a nanny.

In reality, I've learned that parenting is synonymous with guilty feelings. For example, just this week my son began teething. My husband went to the grocery store and came back with everything in the baby aisle that had anything to do with teething. One of his finds was a "homeopathic, natural" teething pill. I was a little nervous about using it, but the results were nothing short of a miracle. Within ten minutes, or little bundle of grumpiness was fast asleep. After two nights of using the miracle pills, I decided to ask around about a few of the ingredients. The main ingredient is Belladonna, I quickly learned that Belladonna is a sedative used before surgery. Crap! I had been drugging my child! Lesson learned: just because it is in the baby aisle, doesn't mean it's safe. Guilty.

More confessions: I feel a sense of peace and relief when my baby takes a nap. In fact, I would label the feelings as extreme jubilation. This makes me feel guilty. I also celebrate when dinner time rolls around and I can have a cold glass of Pinot Gris. This makes me feel guilty. Part of me is looking forward to going back to work... guilty.

Ah, the joys of parenthood.