Part III~ The Big Day

The next morning, Chris and I got dressed up and headed to the hospital for the signing of the papers. We were so nervous, and excited. I packed the camera and the video camera and the special outfit I purchased for our baby to wear home from the hospital.

We rushed to the hospital to make sure that we would be there by nine o’clock when visiting hours started. The moment we walked in to the room, I knew. It was as if the life had been sucked out of it. Dee was in her bed, talking on the phone. She didn’t end her conversation when we walked in the room, and I could read that her body language was shutting us out. She even placed the baby on the far side of the room away from us. As she talked, I also noticed that her gown was off on one side as if she had been breast feeding.

About 5 minutes later she got of the phone and we started nervous chatter. She barely answered our first few questions, and then started a speech that we knew was going to break our hearts. She said she felt rushed, and couldn’t sleep last night and she felt that was a sign that she should keep the baby. She then explained that she almost went through with it because she felt bad for us, but she just couldn’t. I remember that as she talked, Chris started squeezing my hand. It’s as if the world was moving in slow motion. I could not believe that this was happening. After all the phone calls, and traveling to Florida to sit in her hospital room for 48 hours, after falling in love with her baby, Dee was changing her mind. I felt the sudden urge to get out of the room. It was as if I couldn’t breathe. Chris had to do the talking and then we rushed out.

In the hallway, I lost it. I felt as if my last hope in the entire world of becoming a mom had just been taken away from me. In shock, we went to the parking garage and sat in the car. I cried and Chris just sat there. We were both beside ourselves with sadness. Dahlia was meant to be with us, and I couldn’t deal with any other scenario. After I gained a little composure, we called the agency. I was surprised to hear that they already knew. How could they let us go up to that room with our hearts on our sleeves if they already knew? Melissa advised us to pray. She said we were in a spiritual warfare and that the devil doesn’t want us to be parents. She advised us to pray and call people at home to pray with us. So we did. Chris and I prayed in the car. We asked God for a miracle, we begged him to give us our baby.

With our hopes and dreams dashed, we drove away from the hospital in disbelief. Our carseat was empty, and the pretty pink outfit I bought was still in the bag. Not sure what to do, we just drove.